The Paths We Choose
Posted on March 13th, 2023 by Scott Ammora

Scott’s shore leave had been what he had wanted it to be, albeit slightly more tense than he had expected. He and Weston had both stuck to their agreement of no talk of work, either Weston’s on the starbase or Scott’s on the Atlantis, and the time they had spent together had been blissful. Nice dinners, holodeck adventures, and walks through the newly-refurbished and upgraded botanical gardens had been just a few things on their agenda of activities.

Alas, as all good things do, it was coming to an end. Their final night had been spent in the holodeck at a restaurant on Risa that came highly recommended by one of Weston’s colleagues and it did not disappoint. They talked of friends and family, happenings across the universe, and everything in between. They were both cognizant of when the conversation was meandering back towards the ‘forbidden topics’ and they adjusted accordingly.

As they returned to their quarters for what would be their last night together before Scott’s return to Atlantis, the heaviness of their pact not to talk of certain things started to weigh heavily on his heart. Hesitant to broach to subject for fear of ruining their remaining time together, Scott got into his sweatpants and a white t-shirt and sat on the couch. Weston soon followed suit with his own night attire.

The two sat in silence for a moment or two, tapping away on PADDs to peruse the course of the next day, and the stillness became unbearable. Scott put his on the table and shifted his position to look at his boyfriend. “Don’t you think we should at least talk about the elephant in the room before I go?”

Weston didn’t look up, “We agreed we wouldn’t talk about it.”

“I know, but I leave in twelve hours and I think we should at least come to some sort of… of…” His voice trailed off as he was unable to find the right word.

Looking up, Weston smirked, “Scott, I’m fine. I haven’t made a decision, I haven’t made a plan, and I don’t know what I’m going to do. But having you here has balanced me out. I’ve been able to clear my head.”

“So, what do you – ”

“Scotty, stop.”

He put up a hand and shook his head, “I’m not saying you need to make a decision. But remember when I was graduating from the Academy and I walked you through the choices that I was considering on where I wanted to request to be posted?”

Weston laughed, “Yes, I remember arguing with you at four in the morning and having a very unhappy Angela from next door basically tell us to shut the hell up.”

Suddenly remembering their little spat, Scott guffawed, “Oh, yeah! And then you sent me back to the dorms.”

“I apologized for that.”

“I know,” Scott nodded, “But, seriously, you’ve had a meeting or two since I’ve been here with the compilation team on new ideas being brainstormed for the next research project. I saw you looking at the Academy teaching positions yesterday too. I also think I saw you looking at deep space research assignments.”

Sighing almost in defeat, Weston dropped is PADD on the coffee table with a thud. “Okay, fine. Yes, the ideas being talked about right now for the next big project are promising. They always are. We have some of the brightest minds in Starfleet right here – ”

“You included,” Scott interjected.

“The problem is it is the same thing just a different day. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. It just is what it is. A lot of the people I’ve been working with are transferring, moving on, and a slew of fresh new ensigns and other transfers will have to be shown the ropes here. I’m a scientist, not a babysitter.”

Scott could feel the more level-headed approach than their previous conversation on the matter coming from him and that was encouraging. He folded his arms and smiled, “But that puts you in a place of leadership, mentorship, and being the one who knows more than them. You, technically, have the opportunity to mold the minds and abilities of the next set of scientists.”

“True, but I could also do that at the Academy as an instructor. Well, Instructor’s Assistant, really. Lieutenants generally aren’t given their own courses to teach unless I want to teach first-year standard microbiology to eighteen-year-olds. Then again, I’d be on Earth, close to my parents…” Weston’s voice trailed off as he dove into his own thoughts – a sight Scott had seen a million times over the years.

“Pros and cons, obviously. What about deep space? I was really surprised to see that flashing on your display the other morning before you quickly closed it.” Scott recalled the moment specifically: Weston slammed his finger so hard into the console he swore he heard it break. It was as if Weston was trying to cover up the fact that he was looking at ‘unsavory material’ and didn’t want his partner to see. “You’ve never been one for field research, as far as I know. And, if that is something you’d be interested in – ”

“I swear to God, Scooter, if you mention Atlantis I will backhand you right here on this couch.”

Chuckling, Scott put his hands up in surrender, “Okay, okay, calm down. But, being out there can be fun, interesting, and life-changing. There’s something new every day. You never know what’s around the next corner or what you’ll be called to do.”

“Kind of why I was looking at it, I blame you for that, by the way.” Weston stood up and moved to the center of the room putting his hands behind his head, “I don’t know. I truly don’t. And, honestly, I don’t want to talk about it. There’s a lot on my mind about everything. And I mean everything: work, life in general, us, all of it.”

“What are you worried about with us?” They had always talked openly about their relationship and the hardships they endured being apart. The two had always spoken frankly about their feelings which, sometimes, turned into arguments and raised voices, but Scott had always felt that it was one of the best qualities of their partnership. “Should I be worried?”

“No, of course not.”

Cue Scott’s internal sigh of relief.

“We have been together for nearly five years. And almost half of that you’ve been on Atlantis and I’ve been here.”

Cue Scott’s renewed sense of dread.

Weston returned to his place next to Scott, “This just isn’t how I saw things going, you know?”

“Well, how did you see things going?” Scott suddenly felt he was on the other side of the coin, again. Advice and consultation had never been his strong point, especially in relationships. Weston had always been the collected and mindful individual who would point things out. Weston was still being moderate in his discourse, but there was a twinge of irrationality and uncertainty to it all.

“I don’t know.”

“You’ve been saying that a lot, babe.”

Weston scoffed, “Tell me about it. Can we… can we just not talk about it tonight? Please?”

Nodding, Scott laid his head down on his boyfriend’s lap. He knew him well enough that when he didn’t want to talk about something, he wouldn’t, and no amount of pushing would make any progress. So, he relaxed. As Weston ran his hands through his hair Scott could feel the beating of his heart. It was the most helpless feeling in the world to know that the person he loved was struggling and there was no tangible way of helping him.

 

*****

 

The next morning was a bit frantic. Well, for Scott anyway. Weston sat at his console with his cup of coffee, sipping the steaming liquid and going over the day’s plan while Scott ran around like a chicken with his head cut off collecting all the stuff that he should have packed the night before. There was a shirt over on the couch, he could only find one boot, and hell if he knew where his other pair of pants had found themselves.

“I told you to pack last night.” Weston said glancing up with a smirk.

“I believe we ended up engaged in other, far more enjoyable activities.” Scott said as he darted into the bathroom and then back into the main room.

“You had time afterwards.”

“It was late!”

Chuckling, Weston swiveled in his chair, “You came with one bag! There’s only so many things that you needed to pack. I find no excuse for you.”

Swiping the t-shirt off the couch and stuffing it into his bag, Scott began searching for the elusive footwear that seemed to have gone AWOL. It was a freaking boot, how does one miss that? He looked under the table, the couch, and in the bathroom, but to no avail. Finally finding it under the bed, he put it on and found its counterpart next to the door. “Okay, I think I got everything.”

“Here are your pants,” Weston nabbed them off the back of the chair and headed to Scott’s bag, “I’m assuming you don’t want me to fold them for you.” His hand touched the zipper and began to pull.

“No, I got it!” Scott lurched over and snatched the pants, putting himself between his stuff and Weston. With a motion as quick as a flash he opened the bag stuffed the pants quickly inside and reclosed it. “Okay, now I have everything.”

“Good, because your shuttle leaves in half an hour.”

“Fuck me.”

Weston opened his mouth.

“Don’t,” Scott put up a finger as he slid his arm through his uniform jacket. “You gonna walk me to the airlock?”

Weston down the last of his coffee and recycled the cup in the replicator and put his arms out wide, “I’ve been ready for an hour. Remember? You wanted to get breakfast and not be rushed.”

Scott tossed his bag over his shoulder and shrugged, “Well, I’m a creature of habit.” And the two set off through the doors and into the hallway towards the promenade and Scott’s impending departure.

“I’ve never known you to be early to anything, so I actually ate while you were in the shower and I knew we weren’t going to be able to stop anywhere.” Weston gently shoved Scott as they rounded a corner and approached the aperture to the ring lined with shops and restaurants. “Not that I didn’t think this might be the first time, mind you, but the law of odds weren’t in your favor.”

Sarcasm lined Scott’s next phrase, “Oh, gee, I’ve had such a great time here with you, Weston, I’m so thankful for the love and affection you show me. What would I ever do without you?”

They walked along at a steady pace and, this time, Scott didn’t have to worry about bouncing his belongings off people or children as the promenade was less crowded than when he had arrived. They didn’t speak much other than the occasional hello to people they knew or a random comment from Weston about something on the starbase that had changed in the time Scott had been away. Small talk. Scott knew the trite and cliché phrase of ‘parting is such sweet sorrow’, but there were other things on his mind. And, he was sure, Weston’s.

Approaching the airlock, Scott heard the call for boarding. “See, right on time, as usual.” Another grin tugged at his lips as he pressed his to Weston’s. Weston had been right that he was rarely early, but he was also rarely late. Some would call it time management, some would call it luck, but Scott always felt that it was just what he did. He could be early if he really wanted to, but he’d have to try. The same could be said if he wished to be late; such was his life at the Academy, when he was posted at Starbase 60, or on the Atlantis.

“I love you, Scooter.”

“Not in public, come on!”

“You’re my favorite, Scott, I am truly thankful to have you.”

Scott adjusted the bag again, “Listen…”

“Scott – ”

“No, hear me out, okay?” Scott waited for Weston’s acknowledgement to continue and pressed on, “When I met your parents all those years ago at Troyo’s, after you and your dad went to the bar to check sports or something, your mother said something to me I’ll never forget. She told me you forged your own path and always have.”

Weston nodded, knowing it wasn’t the end of Scott’s thought.

“We both do, that’s what makes us… us. I chose to follow you to Starbase 60 and I chose to leave and join Atlantis. And I’ll say the same thing to you that you said to me when I made that decision: no matter how far apart we are, I’ll always be beside you. You make your choice when you know what you want and I’ll be there cheering you on.” Another embrace followed by another kiss. “I love you.”

The final announcement for passengers echoed overhead as Weston smiled and gave him a third kiss. “Go on, Scotty, get back to saving the universe.”

Placing his hand on Weston’s chest, Scott took one last look at his boyfriend and committed it to memory. Not that he wouldn’t see him in communiques in the near future, but there was something about the in-person presence and visual of his love. Turning and stepping into the airlock and moving onto the shuttle, Scott took his seat. From his position he could see Weston standing at the window and waved a bittersweet gesture of goodbye. It wasn’t ‘goodbye’, but ‘so long’. One only ever said goodbye when they didn’t expect to say hello again.

The shuttle detached from its moorings and pulled away at thrusters and moved off to prepare for warp. The Starbase shrank smaller and smaller as the standard operational instructions came overhead. Scott tuned them out like he normally did and gazed wistfully out into space watching ships coming in at impulse and ships warping off and going into slipstream.

He reached over to the bag on the seat next to him and unzipped it. He pushed the pants that had been haphazardly shoved inside and pulled out a black velvet box. He opened it to reveal a solid silver band, which in any other light would have shined, but in the dim cabin ambience it sat almost dull and in shadow. It seemed to be a metaphor for the entire time he was at the starbase, but the ring would shine again. There would come a time when it would end up on Weston’s finger. That time was not now. The wheels of time had created a roadblock to his ultimate destination – proposing to the man of his dreams.

He clasped the box closed, replaced it in his belongings, and exhaled heavily. Another shore leave had ended and it was time to return to work.