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Log of the Month for December, 2002

Defining Respect
Posted on December 23rd, 2002 by Adam Drake

Clasping his hands behind his back he quickened his pacing speed. Back and forth he trudged in his quarters. If he was lucky he would wear down the deck plating and he would accomplish something, but for just walking here and there wasn’t helping. His mind raced from one subject to another, he felt as if his brain was on fire and nothing could quench the flames that kept arising within him.

He had violated her. He had violated the most sacred of all things between telepathic people, and he felt so guilty that it was just eating him up inside. He ran his hand through his hair, and returned to his pacing. The mind is the most precious of things, and diving into it without letting the other person know is quite disrespectful. He hadn’t known her that long, just long enough to ask her to accompany him to a planetarium.

What were you thinking? Adam thought to himself as he paused long enough to stare out into the endless abyss of shining stars and the planet’s surface that gleamed like a magnificent marble that was held by the most powerful of kings or warriors. The greens and blue blended to provide a spectrum that was pleasing to the eye and the soul.

Betazed, his home planet, was a safe haven for him. His personal reflections were always heightened there and he always found peace in self-analyzing. Now, in the midst of chaos and unacceptable rudeness, Adam found a new sense of self-loathing residing in him. He hated that he had allowed himself to swim freely in her thoughts and use them to answer her questions.

Respect, Adam, respect. He didn’t respect her. He did, just not in the terms of freely reaching into her brain and plucking things at his own will. She wasn’t aware that he had done it until he told her, and he could tell when she put up mental barriers to block his connection. The funny thing was, after all the disrespect that he had offered so freely without thinking, he still found it intriguing that he could do such a thing.

He remembered an incident that had occurred, that followed the same parameters that this encounter had, when he was at home on Betazed. A young girl, whom he had a fling with, had been negligent in blockading her mind. Adam used this advantage and used her own thoughts of what she wanted to manipulate her into liking him more and more.

Of course, naturally, when she found out that he had followed that path of deception she instantly dropped him and he was left to pursue other woman. She was always there, though, in his thoughts. She was a constant reminder of his mistakes and failed trials of his youth.

He promised himself, on that very night, that he wouldn’t be tempted to anything of that nature again. Alas, he did. He freely used her own thoughts and feelings against her and for his own advantage and pleasure.

Curse you, Adam Drake, curse you. Drake trudged over and laid down on his bed, staring absently into the ceiling above. There were so many things he wanted to tell her; about what he had done to her and how much that he was sorry for his actions.

For now, he would have to respect her distance from him. After all, he broke the respect of mental closure and separation; he wasn’t about to violate a physical attribute. At least, he was going to try.

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