Okay
Posted on March 29th, 2021 by Scott Ammora and Emilaina Acacia

It had been an hour. Odd looks from passersby, glances from medical personnel, and other sideways eyeing had been his experience over the last sixty minutes. Scott leaned against the bulkhead trying to look ‘casual’, but he probably looked more creepy than anything else. He had a purpose and intention for his presence, but it was a waiting game.

Inside sickbay, Emily was taking her time completing the charts for the crew physicals she’d done for the day. She wanted to be sure everything was done before she finally walked out of sickbay, expecting to head for her room. She paused at the sight of Scott, tilting her head curiously but saying nothing.

Scott nodded, “Uh, hi, Lieutenant. Good shift?”

A moment passed silently before Emily apprehensively responded, “It was. Can I help you?”

He shifted his stance. He folded his arms across his chest, then put them back at his side, leaning against the handrail on the bulkhead. Then he stood up straight again. “Do you have a moment?”

“Sure,” she replied, a small smile creeping onto her face, “Where to?”

“The holodeck, ma’am, if you’re willing?” Scott gestured down the corridor, leading them to the turbolift. It was an awkward ride, albeit short, but the silence permeated the uncomfortable energy between the two nonetheless. Stopping at the holodeck console, Scott looked at Acacia, his eyes rife with uncertainty. “I appreciate your willingness to spend a bit of time with me. I’m not who you think I am, or who I presented myself to be when we first met.”

“Right,” Acacia replied quietly, having tried her best not to give Ammora a weird look on the ride. She wasn’t sure how to feel about being invited to the holodeck, but she decided to go along with it for his sake. She looked from him to the console and back, gesturing, “Go ahead.”

“Computer, access Ammora Personal Program Alpha Five.”

The computer beeped its acknowledgement and the doors to the holodeck opened. Scott moved inside and stood just past the threshold, motioning Acacia to join him. Before them lay a shuttle bay. A group of marines and Starfleet cadets stood shoulder to shoulder, standing at attention in dress uniforms. In the forefront were the brass of Starfleet Academy and numerous Federation officials. The President of the Federation was there, in holographic form then and now but there regardless, next to the highest-ranking officers of Starfleet’s main command. Standard protocol.

“My graduation ceremony. About two years ago. Notice anything out of the ordinary?” He motioned to the line of service personnel that would be the next class of Starfleet officers. There was the obvious dip in height about a quarter of the way down the line. Scott’s holographic past self stood a good sixteen centimeters below his closest counterpart.

Acacia looked at the scene for a good, long time before hesitantly concluding, “No…” as she couldn’t see anything wrong.

“There, little Scott, amongst a sea of giants. I wasn’t the biggest, strongest, or fastest. I wasn’t the smartest. But there I stood with them. An equal. And, honestly, there were some things that I could do that they couldn’t. It usually was crawling into the tinier places that a frame bigger than mine couldn’t manage, but it was something. It was my contribution. That was my life every day for four years.” He casually clasped his hands behind his back, trying to stand as stoically as he could. “It was less than comfortable.”

“O…kay?” Emily observed the scene with a quizzical expression before finally turning the look on Scott. She folded her arms, observing him and his scene.

“Watch.”

As the officer in charge moved down the ranks, pinning the new gold bar of the rank of 2nd Lieutenant or an Ensign pip to each of the respective cadets’ collars, positions were called out. “Adams, Ryan, Ensign, assigned to Deep Space 2, assistant security officer. Adani, Ensign, assigned to Federation Embassy, Qu’Nos, security attaché.”

“A diplomatic defender,” Scott mentioned offhandedly. He then leaned over to Acacia with intent, “Wait for it.”

After a couple of more assignments were given – all important on the outer reaches of Federation and Starfleet jurisdiction in roles that see combat, high-stress situations, and more – and rank insignia applied, the officer stopped at Scott. “Ammora, Scott, 2nd Lieutenant, assigned to Starbase 60, munitions assistant and field medic.”

“There it is. Glorified weapons cleaner and bandage applicator, at your service. Not to mention stationed on what could arguably be the safest station in the galaxy. Riveting.” Scott smirked, “Always a bridesmaid and never a bride, if you will.”

“Okay,” Acacia replied, this time much more firmly as she understood his point. She could sympathize with his feelings of inadequacy, but she still held out hope that a real apology was coming.

“Computer, skip ahead to the next track. Starbase 60, circa 6 months from present presentation.”

The holodeck adjusted around them; the large cargo bay became a security briefing room on Starbase 60. Scott and his fellow marines were seated at long tables looking at a large screen. Major Davidson stood pointing at a large insignia displayed prominently at the front of the room. “Team, we’ve been asked to participate in the Starfleet Marine Corps Challenge Games to be held on the Bolian homeworld in one month. We are honored, we are dedicated, and we will triumph.”

A collective ‘Ooh-Rah’ echoed throughout the chamber.

“On the tables before you are PADDs with your assignment for participating in these games. Study your teams and prepare for a grueling process to ensure our minds, bodies, and spirits are ready to participate against some of the most top-tiered officers to ever wear this uniform. Training begins tomorrow at 0500 hours. Sharp. If you’re late, you’re staying home. Questions?”

There was a silence as everyone picked up their

PADD and perused their game assignment. What followed were some laughs, some cheers, some ‘god-dammits’, and some ‘kill-me-nows’. Davidson nodded, “Dismissed.”

The group stood, grabbed their belongings and headed for the door. Scott’s holographic self, seated towards the back, hadn’t looked up and hadn’t given any indication of what he was reading. Scott’s actual self leaned against the wall, glancing at Acacia and then back at his holo-self.

Holographic Scott got up and moved forward to where his superior officer was working on a console. 2nd Lieutenant Ammora placed himself directly in front of the lectern and went to poised attention, “A moment, Major?”

“Yes, Ammora, what is it?”

“I don’t understand my assignment for the games, sir.”

The Major barely looked up, “What don’t you understand?”

Scott put the PADD on the podium with a little more force than he expected to, but he was committed at that point. “I didn’t realize that there was a competition that featured level five rifle targeting diagnostics at these games, sir.”

This time the Davidson didn’t look up at all, “There isn’t.”

“Sir?”

“You’re staying here, Lieutenant.”

There was no biting his tongue on this one. “Sir, with all due respect, our detachment is participating in these games. Why am I to be the only one left behind?”

Davidson met Scott’s disrespectful gaze and inquiry with obvious disdain, “Lieutenant, peruse the listing again, you are not the only one not included in this exercise.”

Scott snatched the PADD off the console and shook it at his commanding officer. He shouldn’t have, he was sure, but he wasn’t happy. “One of five not included. And of the other four, two are out on leave, one has a medical exception, and the last one doesn’t even officially post here until a week before the games. That makes him ineligible. So, why me?”

“Watch your tone, Lieutenant. We need someone who knows the ins and outs of this station to remain on site as our point person. That is going to be you and you should be thankful for the opportunity and the respect I’m showing you to give you that position.” Davidson went back to his work, this time turning his back on Scott and moving to another console.

Damn it, Scott had remembered thinking in that moment. “Thank you, sir, for this opportunity. I look forward to leading our department in your absence.”

“I’ve requested an interim Chief Security Officer be assigned while we’re away. You’ll be reporting to Lieutenant Commander Michael Jeddin when he arrives three days before our departure. You’ll continue to function in your normal duties under his authority until we return. Dismissed.”

If looks could have killed, Scott would’ve been court-martialed for murder.

Real-life Scott looked at Acacia, “So there’s that too.”

Emily watched all of this happen with the most neutral expression she could muster. When he spoke to her all she could manage to come up with was, again, “Okay.”

“Computer, end program.” The holodeck shimmered away. The two of them stood by themselves on the checkered floor. Scott ran a hand through his hair and he took a couple of steps away from the doctor, his mind racing. “You’re an empath, right?”

“I am,” Acacia replied with a steady gaze on him, having a pretty good read on how he was feeling. She wouldn’t hold it against him, it made her sympathize more than anything.

“So you saw what you saw, that was me. That IS me. And you can probably feel what I’m feeling. I’m not a bad guy. I’m not a jerk. I fight hard because I’ve always been second best. Third best, fourth best… not even on the spectrum of best! But when you’re the guy who doesn’t even show up on the radar, like you just saw… what do you do?” He was pacing and didn’t even know it. “Be the best officer, the best marine, focus on what you know to be true… and do it! That’s what I did!”

He slumped down on the floor, cross-legged, defeated. “That other day, I said what I said because I had the knowledge. Or… thought I had the knowledge…” His words trailed off, his head shook, and he flailed his hands as if the movement would bring him solace. “I was wrong. And I’m paying for it.”

Emily raised an eyebrow at the bit that approached an apology, giving a soft sigh. She nodded along, once again replying, this time with a note of finality, “Okay.”

“Okay. Okay.” Scott sat in silence for a moment reflecting. The magnitude of what he had done and what he was experiencing came cascading down in that brief moment of nothingness between the two of them. After a brief pause, he looked up at Acacia. He blinked away his frustration and self-loathing and grinned at her, “Okay?”

Emily managed a small smile, gesturing at the holodeck, “I… sympathize, with your troubles. I’d encourage you to bring these things up the next time you meet with the ship’s counselor,” she exhaled slowly and tentatively asked, “was that… an apology?”

His head lifted up, slightly. “Would you accept it if I offered it?”

“Tentatively, I suppose. I would leave here a bit confused,” she admitted, still unsure how to feel about Scott’s inclusion of his backstory and his feelings of inadequacy.

“I would like to earn your respect, Lieutenant. I think I’m a good medic. I think I’m a good marine. But I know I still have a lot to learn about a great many things.” Scott got up from the floor, brushed himself off, and offered his hand to her. “Most importantly… I’m 2nd Lieutenant Scott Ammora, Assistant Security and Tactical Officer. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance… officially.”

Emily clapped a hand to his and gave it a firm shake, chuckling softly, “I am Lieutenant Emilaina Acacia, Medical Research Doctor,” she retracted her hand, nodding, “Nice to meet you… I can’t unban you from duty in sickbay, though.”

Scott pursed his lips, find her remark fun even though it was true. He agreed with a bob of his head. “Never would expect you to. But… would you join me for a drink?”

Emily chuckled again, finding Scott’s way of communicating to be unusual. Given their history, she was somewhat eager to learn more about him. With a nod of her head she accepted his invitation by giving a final, somewhat more cheerful, “Okay.”

A smile tugged at Scott’s face, “Okay.”