Daniel’s Doubts
Posted on September 6th, 2016 by Daniel Vallero

by Daniel Vallero

Commander Daniel Vallero sat on the comfortable couch of Atlantis’ Executive Officer’s quarters, but despite outwardly appearing relaxed, his mind was an angry nest of disturbed thoughts. The atmosphere in the room was quieter than normal, the ship’s humming engines now silent since they were berthed within Starbase Vinland, but the deep silence only seemed to amplify the chaos in his head.

“That did not remind me of how I remembered you.”

Daniel closed his eyes, clearly remembering Kathryn Harper’s words that had been haunting him ever since she had pulled him into the ready room after first encountering the Romulan refugee fleet at the border. It was an accusation, he knew, that said he had changed in a bad way over the years. Part of him wanted to react and yell at her that perhaps she didn’t know him at all, but the more times Kathryn’s words rang through his mind, he knew she was right.

The slow, drifting motion of a small maintenance craft caught his attention outside his window. Looking out at the stars always gave Daniel a small amount of comfort in recent months, but ever since they had docked within a Starfleet starbase, he couldn’t help the feeling of being trapped. Quickly shifting his eyes away from the window, he attempted a deep breath to calm his growing anxiety.

“If they were really innocent, they would stop. We have orders for a reason.”

“I am not slaughtering civilians.”

He had failed. Daniel had tried as hard as he could, even using his familiarity with Kathryn against her to ensure she followed through with orders, just as he was supposed to. Her gut had told her to play it safe and wait, however, despite his assurances that the safe way to go was by eliminating the possible threat while they still had time.

“I’m…sorry I disappointed you. I assure you, I would never fire on anyone I believed to be innocent.”

Guilt stabbed at Daniel’s heart. Blinded by orders, he had been ready to destroy the convoy that appeared more and more to actually be innocent civilians and not a subversive attempt for Romulans to gain access to Federation space. Kathryn had seen it so easily when he had not, and the realization terrified him. How could he have let himself go so far astray from what mattered?

Daniel Vallero had a terrible secret, one he would have never considered sharing with Kathryn Harper, until now.

“No,” he said aloud in the empty room and shook his head as if to banish the idea from his mind. Kathryn already thought poorly enough of him lately as it was. He had to salvage what he could of the friendship they had left, didn’t he? Leaning forward, Daniel propped his elbows on his knees and held his head in his hands.

What would she think of him if she knew everything?