Terms of Endearment
Posted on November 18th, 2015 by Kathryn Harper and Alexis Wright

by Alexis Wright and Kathryn Harper

Under a tree-framed canopy of stars, Kate and Lexy reclined alone in the bubbling hot tub of a bed and breakfast in Big Sur, the heat of the water offering a pleasant contrast to the crisp autumn night air. Lexy, however, was having a hard time relaxing. There was something that had been gnawing at the back of her mind for days now, and time was running short… nervous though she was, she decided to broach the subject. Steeling herself, she moved closer to her lover in the semi-darkness. “Kate?”

“Mmm?” came Kate’s reply, her voice drowsy and relaxed.

“I’ve been thinking,” Lexy began slowly, trying to string her thoughts together, “The last few weeks have been amazing, like nothing I’ve ever experienced.” Even though she’d rehearsed this many times in her head, it was surprisingly difficult to put into words. “It almost feels like a dream… and don’t laugh, but I’m kind of afraid that once we get back to our normal lives, I’m going to wake up and it’ll all vanish like a puff of smoke.” She made a gesture with her hands like smoke dispersing in the wind.

Kate had already put some thought into this matter, but was unsure of how to communicate her feelings, fearing an adverse reaction from Lexy. For now, perhaps the easy answer would be enough. “We knew each other for five years before becoming a couple. During that time, we became increasingly close friends, spending more time with each other, and even taking shore leaves together. This relationship is really just a natural progression from that, and since our normal lives brought us together in the first place, why fear their return?”

“I know, you’re right, I guess I just… all of our time as a couple, has been… separate. From that. You know? I fear their return because when we were last in our normal lives, we didn’t have this. I don’t want to go back to that life, Kate.” Under the bubbling water, Lexy reached for Kate and snuggled against her, the nervous fluttering in her stomach reaching a crescendo. “I want this. I want you.”

Startled by Lexy’s unambiguous admission, Kate bit her lower lip and realized that she could no longer put off a difficult admission of her own, a necessity that she’d decided on a few days prior that was the crux of her uncertainty.

=/\=

After a pleasant dinner and some lively conversation, Bill Wright reluctantly excused himself for the evening. Kate found herself in the sitting room alone, Lexy having stepped out briefly for refreshments, and she took the opportunity to get a closer look at some of the pictures displayed around the room. When Lexy returned, Kate was standing before a relatively recent photo of Lexy and her mother laughing together.

“That was taken the last time I ever saw her, just before I left for my assignment to the Atlantis,” Lexy explained, handing Kate a hot cup of tea. “Did you know, she was the one who encouraged me to break away from academia? If it wasn’t for her, you and I would probably have never met.” Her eyes were wistful as she added, “I wish you could have met her… I think she would have adored you.”

Kate accepted the cup and gave the picture a thankful look. “She really was beautiful, and it would seem that I owe her gratitude for more than just being your mother.”

That statement filled Lexy’s stomach with a surge of warmth… and how did those butterflies get in there again? She took a slow sip of her tea to calm her nerves.

Oblivious to Lexy’s reaction, Kate then turned to a portrait of all three Wright children in front of the Eiffel Tower. “And this must be you and your brothers?”

“Yep. That’s my little big brother Bryan, and that’s my big big brother James,” Lexy said, pointing at each of them in turn. “And the little one, of course, is me.”

“Of course it is, I mean, look at you!” Kate turned back to Lexy, beaming with delight. “I would recognize those eyes and that smile anywhere. So cute!”

Lexy laughed, blushing at the compliment. Damn those butterflies! “I felt the same way looking at your pictures. At any age, you were always unmistakably you!”

During their time on Risa, Kate’s mother had, of course, shown Lexy an entire childhood worth of pictures, from the standard naked infant in the bath through an array of sporting events, music recitals, and science fairs. Kate did not find this to be embarrassing, and leaned warmly into Lexy at its recollection while she admired its parallel on the wall before her.

Thinking back over their time together so far, Kate began to realize how quickly they had gotten to the point of family introductions and childhood picture-swapping. The swift increase in physical intimacy, while normal for a Risan couple, had been a surprise to Kate only because of Lexy’s initial trepidation with it. However, the more she thought about the look in those big blue-hazel eyes as they gazed up at her, the more Kate was certain that Lexy was becoming smitten with her. While that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, Kate found that such intense initial fascination often led to short-term infatuation, which was not her interest at this stage of her life, and was certainly not her motivation for turning this long friendship into romance. Her hopes were to build something real with Lexy, and she couldn’t help but wonder if Lexy knew what that took beyond the opening burst of passion. No, she decided, things would have to change – but the hard part would be breaking it to Lexy.

=/\=

“I want this too, Lexy.” Kate’s voice trailed off as she delayed the inevitable but in an effort to find the best way to explain her feelings. “But getting back to some semblance of normalcy is a good thing. Our relationship needs the opportunity to develop without the spectre of an extraordinarily dangerous mission or an ongoing war looming over it. Potentially impending disaster led us straight into a later chapter and we skipped the beginning. We need a chance to… well, date, and really get to know each other under this new light..”

The pit of Lexy’s stomach abruptly dropped as, in her mind, the intimacy that had developed between them suddenly evaporated and her fears became real. Shrinking away, she stammered, “A-Are you saying… the past few weeks have been… a mistake?”

“No, not at all!” Kate’s hands found Lexy’s under the water and gave a reassuring squeeze. “Quite the contrary, since I am not sure how else our fledgling romance could have survived that situation without finding solace in one another to cope with it as we did. But now, I think slowing down and going back to the parts that my awful timing in accepting that mission deprived us of would be ideal.”

Lexy frowned, brows furrowed with uncertainty. Her inexperience in these matters left her ill-equipped to handle this, and she instead turned to definitions and parameters, which is what she knew best. “So… what would that mean, exactly? What is acceptable and what is not?”

“Very little needs to change; we can still see each other often and we can still spend the night together when the mood strikes us. We simply have a little more of our own time, that is all.” Kate’s face remained hopeful and encouraging despite feeling a bit selfish for having brought this up.

Lexy’s expression was serious in the dim light, and she was in full scientist mode when she spoke. “So what you’re saying is, you want the same level of intimacy, but you want to reduce our time spent together from 100%, which is artificially high due to external influences, to perhaps 70%, which, assuming our relationship progresses successfully, will gradually increase back to current levels over time? Is that accurate?”

Kate was unable to suppress her laughter at the wholly scientific approach to the most unscientific of things. After a few mirthful moments, she finally answered, “Forgive my laughter, please, I did not mean to offend. That was just so… scientific! And yes, I suppose your analysis is technically correct.”

Quietly regarding Kate, her sober expression unchanged, Lexy carefully considered her situation. Her true feelings ran deep and passionate; she suspected she was falling in love, but chose to keep that to herself for the time being, since she was now fairly certain that it wasn’t yet reciprocated. Her heart ached at the sudden realization, but she forced herself to focus on the ‘yet’. Given all of the variables, Kate was right – it would be better to slow down and build a strong foundation. It was just so hard to wait when you longed to be living in the house. Reconciling herself to reality, Lexy eventually nodded. “Very well. I accept your terms.” For now, she thought to herself, determined to win Kate over. “Would you… want this to begin immediately?”

Rather relieved at Lexy’s rational response, Kate shook her head. “No, we are still on leave together, so let us indulge ourselves a little longer, until we return to duty.” She offered a reassuring smile and still holding her hands under the water, pulled Lexy closer again. “I think we need it after what we went through, and, well… I do enjoy this, even if I want to slow things down a bit. Please do not think otherwise.”

Cautious hope flooded into Lexy in response to Kate’s words and actions. Maybe she wasn’t being pushed away after all? She found all of this very confusing, but decided to simply follow Kate’s cues until she had a chance to pick it all apart later. She allowed herself to be pulled closer, but her mind continued to race.

Kate laughed softly. “Are you still analyzing? I can almost hear the feels yearning inside your head.”

Lexy had a moment of panic before realizing that this was another of Kate’s mangled idioms. “I think you mean ‘wheels turning’. And as for analyzing, sorry, it’s just… who I am. If you’re really serious about dating someone like me… you may have to get used to this sort of thing.”