Through His Eyes
Posted on October 29th, 2007 by Trysa Struan and Ian Blackthorne

Trysa Struan and Ian Blackthorne

Softly detaching from the underside of the Atlantis’s saucer, the Captain’s Yacht made a quick turn and warped off into the black. Ian Blackthorne set the auto-pilot toward the rendezvous coordinates with the USS Yeager and stared ahead for a long moment at the stars streaking by. Behind him in the yacht’s forward cabin sat his ex-wife, Elizabeth Walker, and their son, Ross, but he hesitated to turn to them because they had put off dealing with a few things for too long. This trip was supposed to be a happy one; the Yeager was his old command, now entrusted to the care of his former executive officer, Roderick Struan. Rod’s wife, Trysa, was the ship’s counselor, and ever since they had served together on the Yeager ten years ago, Ian’s personal counselor and close friend. Ian was Godfather to their children, and they had just had another daughter for him to meet and subsequently spoil rotten. The Yeager would also be the ride home to Earth for Liz and Ross after their traumatic ordeal at the hands of the Orion.

Still, what was unsaid between them was the eight hundred pound gorilla in the room, blocking the way to the happy destination. He’d faced death less hesitantly than this conversation. With a shake of his head, he gathered himself, secured the helm, and stood.

As she stared out the foredeck window, the lights from the console flickered shadows on Elizabeth’s face. She silently sighed and folded her hands in her lap. Now was the time; they could go no longer without putting this situation right. Elizabeth turned to look at her son, his face lax in sleep. She’d managed to protect him from most of the realities of the Machen Bren war, until they’d been taken by the Orion. He’d seen far too much for a boy his age. Sitting straighter, she turned her gaze to the man who’d given her the most precious thing in her life, then left them for his duty.

Elizabeth understood a little better now. The universe needed men like him. She only wished…

“I’m glad we could all take this trip together,” he said, interrupting her thought as he faked a smile.

“Ian… Lies do not become us.” She primly pressed her lush lips together, telling of her displeasure. It was an expression that Ian had not forgotten, etched in his memory of the last months of their marriage.

He could sense that the facade she had erected around his crew had fallen now that they were alone. “I’m not lying, but I had hoped to meet Ross under better circumstances, and I am genuinely sorry that you got involved in all of this. They took you to get to me.”

Elizabeth tipped her chin up, meeting Ian’s gaze. “I realize that. I’m not sure Ross does. I’d rather he didn’t. He’ll need counseling… when we get home.” Ian nodded, and she continued. “I want to say something before we have this discussion, Ian.” She tipped her head, looking thoughtfully at him, her harsh expression softening.

“I hated you for a long time. I didn’t understand why… why you needed to be out here doing what you do. I hated the ships, the service, everything that drew you away from me. I want you to know that I’m beginning to understand now. If not for you and people like you, the war would not be over and Ross and I…” she shuddered, steering her mind away from the Orion slaver facility. “Well, Ross and I would still be back there. We owe you our gratitude Ian. Thank you.”

His head fell and he looked at the floor. “Don’t thank me, I just fixed the problem I caused. You never should have had to go through that ordeal in the first place.”

“No, we shouldn’t have. No one should have. Not me, not Ross, not you, not anyone.” She stood. “War is a horrible thing, and you saved us. You stopped it and you saved everyone.”

He looked back up at her, unable to stop feeling responsible for what happened to them. “So they say. But look what I did to my son in the process. And to you.”

“You didn’t do those things. The Orion did.”

Ian stood and looked squarely into her chocolate eyes, but she firmly met his gaze. It was a standoff that had occurred before. “Like I said, Liz, they did it to get at me and they bloody well succeeded. It was a goddamn terrible thing to do, but they knew the effects it would have, regardless of the outcome.”

“Dammit Ian! You’re not going to take responsibility for this! I refuse to let you. Just accept my thanks and shut up. Okay?” She turned her back on him and paced away before whirling around to face him again. A soft sound drew her gaze to Ross and she turned to her son, her expression softening. “Hey Ross. I’m sorry I woke you.”

Ross looked up at Liz with Ian’s eyes, then slowly turned to look at his father, even as he spoke. “It’s okay, mom.”

Ian paused a moment and nodded before turning to smile at his son, the moment’s pause allowing him to stop wallowing in guilt and be grateful that Ross was here and safe. “Hey there.”

Ross pushed a long wave of brown hair from his sleepy face. “Hi… dad.” He sat up, wary respect filling his face.

“How are you feeling, son? You’ve been through a lot.”

The young boy shrugged, a slow rise of one shoulder before it lowered. “I’m okay.” Elizabeth moved to stand behind their son, resting her hands on the back of his chair. She pressed her lips together again, remaining silent.

“Ross,” Ian began, reaching over to clasp his son’s shoulder. “I’m proud of you. That was a scary situation and you were strong.”

Ross looked up at the man who had been gone for most of his life… and who had risked everything to save him. “Mom said you would come. She wouldn’t let me stop believing.” He looked over at his mother, his eyes shining in the dim light of the yacht. “I knew you’d come.”

Momentarily overcome, Ian wrapped his arms around his son and held him tight. “I had to come.”

Ross hesitantly wrapped his arms Ian. He’d secretly waited his entire life for this moment, even when his mother had been angry at his dad. Closing his eyes and suddenly burrowing into the strength of the embrace, he felt as if nothing could touch him here. “So… what’s going to happen now?”

Ian’s eyes darted to Liz a moment before he replied, “Ross, I will come see you as often as I can, okay? I’ll make the time for it.”

The young boy nodded, clinging to his father even harder. “But… why can’t we stay with you?”

He took a deep breath, trying to get a moment to figure out how to explain this to a ten year old. “Son, a big part of my job is protecting people from danger. To do that, I have to put myself in danger. If you and your Mom were here, you’d be in danger too, and I can’t have that.”

Ross pulled back, his hair tumbling into his face. He frowned. “I guess so.”

Ian clasped him by the shoulders and looked directly into his eyes, almost finding them a mirror. “Now that I’m in your life, I’m not leaving it, Ross. I promise you that.” Smiling, he added, “In the meantime, take care of your mother.”

The boy tipped his head, searching Ian’s face. Seeing it’s serious mein, he nodded. “I will.”

“Good man.” He looked up at Liz, hoping for affirmation. After all, he was a new parent even if his son was already ten years old.

Elizabeth watched Ian with Ross, folding her arms across her stomach. If only… but no, she knew better than to wish that now. Nodding, she tousled Ross’s hair. “Ian and I have to talk, Ross, why don’t you go see what you can get together for lunch?”

The boy looked between the two adults and nodded. He pushed himself from his slouch and headed to the rear of the yacht. Liz stared at Ian as they heard him begin to go through the menu.

“I hope I did that right,” he said with a hint of a laugh.

Liz smiled. “You did just fine, Ian. Now.” She settled into the chair her son had just vacated and gestured serenely for him to sit across from her. “Tell me how you intend to avoid breaking that boy’s heart and see him on a regular basis.”

He sat, letting out a long breath. “I have a large measure of control over Atlantis’s assignments. I’ll take more of the missions closer to Earth and send the younger Captains of Third Fleet out to the unexplored reaches. When I’m near a major planet that’s easy for you to get to, perhaps you both could meet me there to share the burden a bit?”

She barely repressed a bitter response and instead took a deep breath, leaning back in her chair. Ian hadn’t had the power he did now, she reminded herself as she met his eyes and nodded. “Good. So long as he isn’t endangered.”

“I wouldn’t allow it if he would be. I mean places like Vulcan or Risa, that it would be easy and safe to get a civilian transport to. I’ll also come to Earth when I’m nearby, and will try to make that happen as often as possible.”

She nodded sharply, folding her hands into her lap. “Are you sure you want me to come?”

“Of course, he shouldn’t travel alone, and I can spend the quality father-son time with him on Earth easily enough. Besides, it’ll do him good to see us together, getting along.” He didn’t state the obvious need for them to continue getting along.

She nodded again, her face outwardly calm. “All right, Ian. I would also think that the occasional communique would go a long way to getting to know him.”

“Yes, of course. That’s the least I can do.”

“Good. We’ll expect your communique in a week. His bedtime is 2100 on school nights.”

She was as down to business as ever, but this arrangement did have to be clear in order for it to work. “Alright. Liz, I won’t let him down.”

“See that you don’t.” Like you did me… was left unspoken.

He heard it anyway, without even needing to sense her emotions. “Liz…” he said, shoving a hand through his hair, not wanting to have this fight again. He had never held himself at fault for their divorce.

Liz raised her hand, stopping him before he went off with that damnable empathy that used to infuriate her so. “Ian. I’m beginning to understand why you do what you do… and where we went wrong. We don’t have to go down that road again, but it will take time for me to reconcile this. I’m working on it.” She gave him a small smile, one that was rueful, but gave him more of herself than she had since throwing herself into his arms when he’d appeared on the Horizon’s transporter pad holding their son.

Ian nodded, thinking that this time she was genuinely making an effort to understand what he’d tried to explain to her for so long. “Thank you, Liz.” Perhaps the trip would be a happy one after all.